I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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