I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
