It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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