You really coming over, don't trick.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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