When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
