I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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