please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
