next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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