i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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