She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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