I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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