just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i drank out of a bidet.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
