And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
