One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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