She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
