So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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