I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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