Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just want to make out with him forever
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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