Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize