i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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