Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
