Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
