For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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