VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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