Kiss
Puke
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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