Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
