Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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