WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
