i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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