dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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