i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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