you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I need to calm my uterus...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize