he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
