Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
