hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
