i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
