I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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