Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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