i think my tv is drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
