I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
