booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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