kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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