Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
