Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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