Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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