i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize