belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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