btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize