dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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