I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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