FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
