Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
