like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
