You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
