He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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