I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
