I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so much tequila, so little girl.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
