someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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