Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize