so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
