The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
