Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize