So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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