What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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