I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
