what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize