I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have fence marks all over my body
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
