speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
