my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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