i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
