I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize