You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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