Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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