his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You took a bar mat shot.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
