so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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