My friends, they love my intelligence
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
