My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
