She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize