Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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