Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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