I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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