we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
