final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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