I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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