Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
