I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
