You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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