THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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