Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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