Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
