Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
