at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sex in a hospital.. check
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize