It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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