Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
