My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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