I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
