the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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