Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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