There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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