should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
