one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
