if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
