i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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