we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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