I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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