i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
