I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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