Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think a kid would responsible me up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
