textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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