She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize