I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
