ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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