thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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